I am oddly lost in this new world. Being 'in process' seems to mean that I have entered a slightly bizarre twilight world. It's difficult to explain but you don't get up in the morning with a place that you have to be, with a social group to interact with or a salary to earn. Perhaps the test is that you lose the exterior things that defined you ... you are left relying on who you are inside yourself.
I didn't move lightly and I checked with the authorities before making my long-stay visa application here back on 10 September 2005. 6- 8weeks said the very nice lady ... a timeframe that has stretched into 6 months of this limbo.
And I could surely do great things with that free time. I began my blog, started writing a novel, outlined a plan for a play with the Canuck; my business plans have been repeatedly gone over although not noted down formally, tentative structures and frameworks are in place, contacts have been made; I picked up a learn to run class for 20euro and began learning Nederlands 12 hours per week; I've wandered a little ... as finances allow but really, I'm just waiting to exist in this country I moved to because I found a man who inspired a country-moving action from me. A man with two children, who couldn't come my way.
The immigrant, the illegal alien ... is always 'the other' and suddenly here I am as the other ... it's not very nice, she writes, wrinkling her nose.
2 comments:
"Being 'in process' seems to mean that I have entered a slightly bizarre twilight world. It's difficult to explain but you don't get up in the morning with a place that you have to be, with a social group to interact with or a salary to earn."
I understand how you feel. I've been forced into retirement at 33 because I'm ill. I wonder every day about people who get up to go to work, spend time with colleagues, do things, talk to people,... You obviously know the feeling.
At least you seem to be interacting with people. And if you are taking Dutch classes you can't be the only 'alien'. It must be interesting to see and hear where they all come from and what their histories are.
I'm rambling, I know. I tend to do that sometimes. To get back to what I actually wanted to say: you're not alone (I know it's a cliché, but it is not meant as one). Besides, even if you were an alien, you have love and that's what counts in the end, no?
Dutch class is fascinating, I enjoy the class interaction, it would just be so much better without grammar. Everyone here seems to speak Engels ... lol.
I have love, yes, and being 'in process' could be put down to experience or some such thing. It's not so bad :)
I'm sorry to read that you've had to retire due to illness ... that must be truly difficult ... take care of yourself and thanks for stopping by with a comment or two.
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