A shameful story of cowardice ....

Saturday evening, eating glorious Turkish food and something hard shoots up into one of my teeth.

I try to remove it with a toothpick and lift up my filling.
Unhappy, I panic ...

Gert, do you have emergency dentists in your country?
We do but what do you need it for?
I explain.
He isn't convinced.

I get a mirror and look.
OHMYGOD, I notice the back of my capped tooth is black!!

Gert, look ... the back of my capped tooth is completely black!
Hasn't it always been like that?
No, and have a look at the loose filling.

Are you sure it's loose?
I'm sure, look ... I have to push it back in with my tongue.

He sighs. His back is incredibly painful and it's a Saturday night.

He points out I finally have a dental appointment on Tuesday. (I have a social security card. It's changing my life).

I reply, 'And what if I choke on my filling when it falls out in the night?' ... silently thinking, the night before my birthday no less.

He asked why I thought it might fall out and choke me.
I explain that when I was young, a man down the road choked to death on his false teeth in the night.

He snorted with laughter then realised I was serious.
Are you sure? he asked.

I am, I replied very earnestly.

For a while he tried to rationalise things with me ... pointing out that the filling had probably been loose for a long time ... that there was no reason to believe it would fall out in the night.

I withdrew into silence.

Today I went to the dentist.
A young guy came in while I was waiting.
We talked ... well I did, asking him if he'd been there before.
He told me yes, that he'd had a tooth out there just recently.
My eyes widened, I probably paled ... realising that the secrets I've kept in my mouth while an in-process immigrant on travel insurance could mean I might lose a tooth.

'She's good', he said when he noticed my look.
I tried to go back to my book then realised that we were there at the same time ... therefore we had different dentists!

I asked him which one was his.
He pointed. She called my name ...
I'm sorry stranger but YAY, I thought as I went into her office.

She looked in my mouth and asked me if I had some pain.
I hesitated ... not sure what the right answer might be - that would be the answer that avoided work.

I courageously confessed to eating only on the left side in these days.
She suggested I continue to do so until she can repair me.

So it seems I will live.
I walked home telling myself 'It's not a car accident ... it's not bomb ... it's not a terrible medical diagnosis ... it's only 3 teeth with a point snapped off, containing 2 broken fillings that will be repaired in a couple of weeks. It's only ... it's only ... it's only.'

And the black tooth?
Well, they put porcelain on the front and metal on the back of capped teeth. It's always been like that since they replaced the tooth that I unsuccessfully tried to catch a basketball with back when I was a teenager.

And how do you spell my last name?
Ohhhhh that would be ... N-E-U-R-O-T-I-C.