Sometimes ...

Sometimes I write things I just don't like and no matter how much I try not to think of them, they knaw at me until I delete them. The last two days have been spent fighting with antibiotics. I didn't realise I was having a bad reaction to them, and it has taken 24 hours to begin to recover from them.

I love writing and I wrote knowing I shouldn't be doing it. This impulse to write, and then delete, reminded me of something I read once. You see, most writers have no need of external censorship, they often edit and censor their own writing quite without mercy.

Erica Jong wrote: 'A certain skinlessness goes with the ability to observe and describe feelingss. This does not make for blithe unconsciousness. Writers are doubters, compulsives, self-flagellants. The torture only stops for brief moments.'
from, Fear of Fifty.