I miss beaches ...I miss rivers and lakes and mountains and tonight I remember them so well that it hurts.
New Zealand is stunning.
It's almost 3 years since I was home and yet I still remember certain views, and then there's the smell of the air when I finally get off the plane that has taken me home.
My dad turned 71 today.
Happy Birthday Dad! Wish I was there ... sitting in the kitchen with you and Margaret, maybe having fresh eggs with you for breakfast, and tea ... always tea.
I can't phone him now, a throat full of tears don't make for happy birthday wishing I think.
And my beloved Auntie Coral, sister to my mum ...she's in her 70s too now.
They are the risks that I take even though we can lose anyone or be lost anytime.
I felt the compulsion to phone both of brothers recently ... thinking anyone can disappear forever and it's been such a long time since I saw anyone.
I have rested a little, loving how it feels to have my daughter and granddaughter living here ... revelling in having family around me again but one day I'll go home and I'll take all the photographs I never knew I needed to take.
Perhaps that's the reward for this long time away ... I'll see my country through new eyes and I'll know what I want to bring back with me this time.
And if anyone knows how to bottle the smell of a landscape, then please write to me ... I'm eager to know.
